Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
