So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
