You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
