I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
