dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
