I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
