you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please