Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Succeeded.

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  (404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020
  Replies (7) Good night (4462) Bad night (514)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7652) Bad night (754)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.

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  (646): Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation. http://tfl.nu/0p0c
  Replies (6) Good night (933) Bad night (2858) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

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  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9860) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

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  (305): nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night http://tfl.nu/tom4
  Replies (25) Good night (3770) Bad night (1644) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way

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  (616): you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way http://tfl.nu/p3hb
  Replies (19) Good night (661) Bad night (6478) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.

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  (405): I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad. http://tfl.nu/l0uz
  Replies (11) Good night (841) Bad night (4769) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.

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  (573): My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son. http://tfl.nu/oti7
  Replies (7) Good night (3030) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just drove past the dude that came in your sock

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  (315): Just drove past the dude that came in your sock http://tfl.nu/cm59
  Replies (3) Good night (636) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.

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  (307): The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity. http://tfl.nu/x8mh
  Replies (2) Good night (1111) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.

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  (605): If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again. http://tfl.nu/3u7r
  Replies (4) Good night (1689) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.

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  (404): Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent. http://tfl.nu/9bag
  Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center

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  (404): Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center http://tfl.nu/qm46
  Replies (7) Good night (997) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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  (603): I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals. http://tfl.nu/uk0n
  Replies (4) Good night (391) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra

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  (616): be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra http://tfl.nu/3wvg
  Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt

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