i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?