So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck