The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon