i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.