I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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