Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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