So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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