ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
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this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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