My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sex in a hospital.. check
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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