He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
