So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
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you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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