If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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