saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
