I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
