i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
