Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
