He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
