you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
