I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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