Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
