Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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