Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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