This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
