Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
