Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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