hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize