Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
