i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize