There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
