i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
