So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
