he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize