Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
