Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
