I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
