It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
