i just google imaged poop.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
