my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
