The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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