i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
