do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
