my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
