you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
