was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
