He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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