sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
