He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
