stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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