Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
