She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
