It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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