dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
