Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
