Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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