ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
