bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
