How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize