I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
