Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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