Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
