If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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